Hi all! A few years ago I was a panelist at the Scribes and Scribblers Convention, on how to write asexual and aromantic characters. I decided to rework my slides into a written guide for greater availability.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For those who are new here: Who am I and why am I qualified to talk about this? I\u2019m aromantic, asexual, autistic, non-binary, in a queerplatonic relationship, have been part of aro and ace communities for years, and one of my special interests is aspec microlabels, flags, etc. While the amount of fiction I\u2019ve actually written since graduating a year ago and losing the structure of university could, uh, be greater, I myself write mostly-contemporary fiction with aspec characters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Table of contents: to write aspec characters, you first have to know what it is you\u2019re even writing about, so I\u2019m going to start with a crash course on being aspec and what it is and isn\u2019t. After that, I\u2019ll give more writing-specific advice on what to do and what to avoid when writing your own aspec characters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Crash course time: the basics of asexuality and aromanticism<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Definitions first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Asexuality = a spectrum of experiencing little to no sexual attraction. Who are asexual people?\u00a0 Not to scare you off, but the key thing you need to know here is it\u2019s not as simple as it might seem just reading a few definitions.\u00a0 Attraction, action, and sex drive differ, so not experiencing attraction to the same extent as allosexual people doesn\u2019t necessarily mean someone isn\u2019t having sex, or that someone who chooses to be celibate is asexual.\u00a0 (Although I personally suspect being asexual might make things easier on occasion if you happen to also be celibate for religious reasons or the like\u2026)\u00a0 There\u2019s a whole range of experiences and opinions on sex and romance, ranging from repulsed to neutral to favorable to \u201chuh??\u201d.\u00a0 I personally am in the \u201chates sex\u201d camp, and just don\u2019t understand the concept of romantic attraction at all to feel any particular way about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There are also many more specific\/niche labels, often called microlabels, that people may use to describe their experiences. Don\u2019t feel like you need to research\/memorize them all, because there\u2019s quite a lot by now, but it\u2019s good to be aware of their existence when understanding aspec people and experiences. One thing you should be familiar with though is demi- – this refers to only experiencing sexual and\/or romantic attraction after an emotional bond is formed, and is one of the spectrum identities outside of asexuality\/aromanticism themselves that you\u2019re probably most likely to hear about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What does this have to do with writing?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Now that we\u2019ve addressed the basics, an obvious question before we get much farther is, why? Why should anyone care about writing aspec characters?<\/p>\n\n\n\n First, people in general need to see themselves represented. Our media influences our assumptions about the world around us, so when we don\u2019t see a certain type of person – for example, someone who doesn\u2019t experience romantic attraction – represented in the things that teach us about the world, and most if not all people in our personal lives are not like that, either we<\/em> feel like there\u2019s something wrong with us that needs to be \u201cfixed\u201d if we\u2019re asexual\/aromantic, or we assume the same thing about other people and don\u2019t accept them as they are if your friend or the like is the asexual\/aromantic one, even though we mean no harm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This is especially true for aspec people. The assumptions that all adults experience sexual attraction and desire (allonormativity) and want monogamous romantic partnerships that will be more valuable than friendships and other relationships (amatonormativity), and that they\u2019re immature or have a medical disorder or the like if they don\u2019t fit into those expectation boxes, are deeply ingrained and normalized in our society, and reinforced through negative portrayals in media. An example that\u2019s infamous in the community is \u201cthat House<\/em> episode\u201d (\u201cBetter Half\u201d), in which a supposedly asexual patient is proven to be lying about her sexuality because her husband is asexual, which turns out to be the result of a brain tumor. As a result of not having positive examples and role models of their experiences, so many aspec people feel broken, put themselves in arguably nonconsensual situations feeling like they just have to force themselves to like it, and so on before learning about asexuality or aromanticism and finally having a positive way to understand themselves and their experiences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And it\u2019s equally important that allo people also see this positive representation. A problem after self-realization is that frequently, people around us just don\u2019t believe us because they\u2019re subject to the same assumptions and lack of knowledge as we were, leading to discrimination in the form of feeling isolated, dismissal of our experiences, constantly having to explain\/justify ourselves in ways a gay person might not need to even if facing prejudice, etc. Asexuality and aromanticism are still to some extent just simply invisible compared to some other identities\/orientations. People need examples of the normal variety of human experiences so they know how to be respectful and accepting of others just as much as people need it to understand themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Who should write aspec characters?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n My opinion is \u201canyone who wants to and is willing to put in the work to do it well.\u201d This includes probably getting a sensitivity reader if you plan to formally publish the work. Some people might argue that it should only be people who ARE aspec, but I\u2019m of the perspective we don\u2019t have time for gatekeeping if we actually want the pool of representation to increase like we say. Not to mention, gatekeeping has a negative impact on authors who are<\/em> aspec but may not want to come out publicly. (And being part of the community doesn\u2019t automatically mean someone can\u2019t represent us badly\/inaccurately anyway.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n There\u2019s also an element of demographic accuracy for those who value it.\u00a0 We exist in the real world regardless, so if you want your fiction to have demographic accuracy, it\u2019s worth considering whether the large university your main character attends would reasonably be expected to have an Aces & Aros Club among its student organizations, for example.\u00a0 (I don\u2019t know how common this is, but my university did.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n How to Write an Aspec Character Without Promoting Stereotypes or Otherwise Fucking it Up<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #1:<\/strong> As mentioned, have an idea of the variety and nuance of aspec experiences. Within the umbrella terms, some people enjoy sex or a romantic relationship and some don\u2019t. Some people see it as an important part of their identity and like collecting all the microlabels, (see: me, lol), while others don\u2019t. Different people will have different reasons for the same behavior: one ace might be sex-favorable and have sex for the physical experience, while someone else might be sex-neutral and do it for a partner\u2019s sake, while a third wants a baby. Labels can stack on top of each other, because aspec identities have a stronger element of \u201cif\u201d more than \u201cwith whom\u201d than some other ones. So someone could be both grey- and pan-, meaning they both rarely experience attraction but when they do they\u2019re pan[sexual\/romantic] in who they\u2019re attracted to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #2:<\/strong> If it fits with your genre\/topic, don\u2019t be afraid to have multiple aspec characters. For example, if it\u2019s contemporary and your aspec characters know they are such, it\u2019s totally realistic for them to be part of online communities, a support group, etc. Or just simply have an aspec friend. Birds of a feather and all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This also provides you with two advantages. One, it allows you to demonstrate the variety mentioned in the last point if you have multiple aspec characters with different experiences of being aspec. Two, it broadens the range of roles those characters can play in your story without taking on extra risk. In the real world, aro or ace people can obviously be the villain in someone\u2019s story just as much as anyone else, but if your only aspec character in the story is the villain, doing it in a way that doesn\u2019t come across wrong can get trickier due to the relative lack of aspec characters to provide a broad spectrum of examples. But if you have multiple aspec characters playing different roles or on different sides, now you have more leeway to explore realistic human behavior without worrying about making a negative social statement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #3:<\/strong> Make some human aspecs too, not just androids and aliens. Commander Data is cool, and it\u2019s not bad to have aspec androids and aliens, but keep in mind that if only<\/em> the androids and aliens in your story are aspec and none of the humans, than it can reinforce the assumption that sex\/romance is a fundamental part of being human and to not be properly into it makes someone \u201cother\u201d or \u201cnot fully human.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #4:<\/strong> Know your motivation before making them cold-hearted loners. Emotional coldness and \u201cthey must be so lonely\u201d are common, and false, stereotypes about aspec folks, especially aros. There are plenty of other types of relationships and love besides romance: familial, platonic, fur babies, self-love, queerplatonic relationships\u2026 Being aro doesn\u2019t automatically make someone uncaring, emotionless, or an object of pity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n That said, I\u2019ve realized since I first did the presentation that saying \u201cdon\u2019t do that\u201d isn\u2019t right either. Someone can<\/em> be aromantic and also happen to be an uncaring jerk. Some people are aplatonic, a group that often gets left out of everything<\/em> because so much of aro discussion that you think would naturally extend to include them relies on \u201cbut we still have friends, we\u2019re not that weird!\u201d Some people identify as loveless aros. I\u2019m autistic and a relatively unemotional person it seems when comparing myself to others, and I personally feel my being aro probably stems from that. So to say nobody should do that is to simply transfer who gets erased\/misrepresented from one segment of the community to another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So I guess my main point now is, make sure you\u2019re portraying a character that way for realistic reasons, not because your automatic assumption is that that\u2019s just what life would be like for everyone with limited romantic attraction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #5:<\/strong> Avoid tokenism by making the character more than their label. Some of us get really into using labels, talking about this stuff, etc., and others not so much. Some of us have personal character arcs that involve coming to terms with our identity or coming out and like to see that in fiction too, and some of us prefer happy stories where the aspec characters are allowed to just be<\/em> without their identity or orientation being an essential plot point or a difficult \u201chere\u2019s what it\u2019s like being queer in the world\u201d navigation. Give your characters goals, favorite colors that aren\u2019t necessarily green or purple (the aro and ace colors besides black\/gray\/white), hobbies, personality traits, or habits that annoy their roommate, and story roles that don\u2019t exist solely to highlight the main character\u2019s need for a partner or make the character the butt of jokes. (I firmly believe they did Sheldon Cooper dirty in how they wrote him.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #6:<\/strong> Watch out for allo- and amatonormative messaging in your writing, even if you never write an aspec character in your life.\u00a0 As touched on previously, allonormativity is the assumption that everyone wants and has sex, and amatonormativity is the assumption that everyone desires a monogamous, romantic relationship, which is more important than other types of relationships.\u00a0 Even if you have no interest in writing aspec characters, everyone should try to avoid messages like that partnering up is necessary to become complete as a person, or inherently superior to other possibilities, or that not wanting sex is something to overcome.\u00a0 A relationship can definitely be an individual character\u2019s<\/em> goal, but avoid making it a broader societal implication in an amatonormative way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Tip #7: <\/strong>Some community jokes\/symbols for character authenticity!\u00a0 The one I hear the most is references to cake and garlic bread, the official joke being \u201c[cake \/ garlic bread] is better than sex.\u201d \u00a0 Also dragons got involved as an aspec symbol along the way.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how – something about how they aren\u2019t real, the same way random people think aros\/aces can\u2019t be real maybe?\u00a0 Playing cards (aces) and arrows sometimes show up too because of the play on words.\u00a0 Also, the \u201cmain\u201d colors for aces are purple and aros green, but there\u2019s a separate flag for combined-aroace people that\u2019s blue and orange.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Conclusion, further resources, and things Mia wants you to write for them:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Lastly, do strongly consider getting a sensitivity reader if you\u2019re putting the work out into the world in a formal capacity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you want to learn more, the LGBTQ Wiki<\/a> is an awesome resource for finding and learning about various labels.\u00a0 The Aroace Database<\/a> is a great resource for finding existing fiction books and characters.\u00a0 (I also maintain a list of aspec nonfiction here on Writing For Life – see tab on the top bar.)\u00a0 Salt & Sage Books has How to Write Asexual Characters: An Incomplete Guide.\u00a0 <\/em>Julie Sondra Decker\u2019s The Invisible Orientation<\/em> is basically a book-length 101 on asexuality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Finally, this is not based on a scientific study of exactly how much of what rep exists already, to be clear, but here are some ideas I personally have for specific types of aspec rep I\u2019d like to see more of, if you want ideas on where to start.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I might end up doing this presentation again someday, so if you think I should include something that\u2019s not here currently, have concerns about how inclusive the way I framed something is, etc., feel free to say so and I\u2019ll consider future drafts accordingly.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Hi all! A few years ago I was a panelist at the Scribes and Scribblers Convention, on how to write asexual and aromantic characters. 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Aromanticism = a spectrum of experiencing little to no romantic attraction.
Aspec = an umbrella term referring to everything or everyone on both spectra, because who wants to say \u201casexual and aromantic spectra\u201d every time?
Allo- = the prefix that\u2019s opposite the \u201ca-\u201d; experiencing attraction.
Split attraction = sexual and romantic attraction (and other types like aesthetic) don\u2019t necessarily operate together.\u00a0 Thus, while many people tend to consider their sexual orientation as covering all categories of attraction, and some people are both asexual and aromantic, a person can also be asexual and biromantic, or heterosexual and aromantic, and so on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n